


From Me To Me

by thisislegit



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Criticism, Gen, How Do I Tag, Multi, Other Lupins, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23912044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisislegit/pseuds/thisislegit
Summary: “I’m a thief. There’s always more.”“But when does it stop?”Lupin wondered about that for a long time. When did it stop? When would he wake up one morning and say this was enough? How long until he reached fulfillment that wasn’t fleeting? That didn’t need the stakes raised to levels so high he never knew where he would land when he took the leap? The idea of a new challenge filled him with excitement. The struggle to find a solution gave him frustration. The unexpected bumps during a plan’s execution made him humble. Some skills would sharpen while others smoothed out. It’d become as easy to learn new things as it was to forget old things. He hated that he couldn’t keep it all, but it was better if he didn’t.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 27





	From Me To Me

**Author's Note:**

> un-betad  
> this is essentially 4k of lupin talking to himself, you've been warned

Lupin sat at his desk in a bedroom older than he was. Older than he’d ever be no matter how many years would pass, and he thought. How in the hell had he gotten here? He remembered opening the door to the room, taking his jacket off, and having a seat. Everything before that? A blur. A messy coalition of thoughts and memories blended into a slurry so thick he couldn’t separate them if he tried. And boy did he try.

Was he trapped? Isolated? Drugged?

But more importantly, where in the hell was his jacket? It was cold as balls in here.

“Yo!”

A familiar voice came from behind him, but it couldn’t be possible. Unless it was a recording or someone playing a prank, it couldn’t be.

“Lupin The Third.”

Turning around he saw himself, and himself, and himself? Four of him actually. Each jacket a different color, green, red, pink, blue. The memories that came with the colors, a slurry that started to froth in his head, he wasn’t sure if he could handle it.

“Now boys let’s try this again, and this time let’s not mess it up,” said Red.

Lupin tilted his head. “What?”

The floor fell out from under him. A never ending abyss of blackness as wind blew at his face and clothes on his descent. Nothingness so intangible gripped him in ways he’d never felt before despite his ever encroaching desire to hold onto something. Anything. He needed help. He needed a plan. He needed a tool, a thought, a glimpse of something to cling so that he could stop.

* * *

“Hello.”

He opened his eyes. The darkness expanded in front. He was no longer falling down, but falling into step with himself.

“So…what did you think?”

The jacket was blue. He remembered this. He remembered it well. Marriage, defeat, the distances maintained, the relationships tested, the reveal that to him didn’t feel earned.

“Go on, you know I take criticism well,” said Blue.

“You’re a coward.”

Blue stopped walking. So did Lupin. Screens like televisions appeared around them replaying memories. Lupin’s eyes caught images of Rebecca, Nix, Ami, and Albert. He saw Zenigata, efficient, callous, but not quite as passionate. He saw Fujiko, beautiful, sharp as a tack, but not as deadly. He saw Goemon, disciplined, easy to read, but never comfortable. He saw Jigen, reliable, trustworthy, but there was a wall between them. Then, he saw himself. Yet, not himself.

“How am I coward?”

“You relied on them when it was convenient. You didn’t trust them.” Lupin turned to himself. “You didn’t love them.”

“Of course I did.”

“Did you?”

The images of Lupin and Fujiko’s marriage played by from start to finish. Blue let out a wistful sigh, “ _I did_.”

“You loved her. We all love her. She isn’t easy to love, and I never back down from a challenge, but,” Lupin slammed both hands against the screen, his arms boxing Blue in, “you didn’t get what you wanted.”

The smile fell off Blue’s face.

“You wanted more, but you were scared to ask. You couldn’t even claim it.”

Cracks began to form in the screen under his hands as images of Jigen smiling and Goemon sitting with them flashed from the corner of his eye.

Lupin moved one of his hands to dig into the red tie and undo the knot. “What was so repulsive about it? About them?”

Blue maintained eye contact, but there was a level of discomfort Lupin felt on the back of his neck.

“If you feared vulnerability why ever mention it? Why tease the idea and pull back never promising to deliver? To connect? They cared about you. They trusted you. They loved you, but because you were terrified of what that would mean they pulled back for your sake.”

At this point chips and hunks of glass dropped into the floor like sand from an hourglass.

“If there’s anything I’m taking from you, it’s that you’ve got a mean way of dressing.”

Blue smirked, “Well, at least I’ve got something to offer.”

The world fell away again, but instead of blackness he heard the roar of an engine as the passenger side door locked.

“Put these on,” A hand with the edge of pink fabric came into his vision. “It’s bright out.”

Lupin put on the shades. They fit like a glove, but they were a little old for his tastes now.

“That guy was a real square.” Pink gave the engine a few more revs before they swerved out of parking spot and down the road.

“In some ways, yeah, but I think he had a lot of lost potential.”

There was no darkness here. Just a main road, bright buildings, and blue skies. From his window he could see the sun rays glitter from the ocean currents.

“So, how about me? Am I a coward too?”

“How did you know what I said to Blue?”

Pink shrugged, “We’re all the same guy. The connection is there even if the stories aren’t.”

“You want me to critique you too?”

“That’s the point of all this. Go on. Gimme all ya got.”

Lupin wanted to ask what he meant, but glimpses formed into memories that poured in at such a rate he wanted to ponder on them first. “You got her too, huh?”

Images of Lupin and Fujiko falling together from the sky as babylon’s gold rained between them flashed in one of the clouds.

“I wouldn’t say got her. We still have the bumps, but we make it work.”

“What is up with having her admit her feelings while falling through the sky? Is it a near death experience thing? It better not be. I’d rather earn her affection some other way.”

“No, no, no. We had parachutes. It was safe. I think she just likes the drama of it all.”

“Boy does she.” Lupin looked up at the clouds again seeing all the casual touches between him and Jigen, and the chats with him and Goemon. “You were there for them.”

“Always. We had the trust, the love, the respect. What more could you ask for?”

“You can always ask for more.”

Pink drifted them around a corner. “Oh?”

“I’m a thief. There’s always more.”

“But when does it stop?”

Lupin wondered about that for a long time. When did it stop? When would he wake up one morning and say this was enough? How long until he reached fulfillment that wasn’t fleeting? That didn’t need the stakes raised to levels so high he never knew where he would land when he took the leap? The idea of a new challenge filled him with excitement. The struggle to find a solution gave him frustration. The unexpected bumps during a plan’s execution made him humble. Some skills would sharpen while others smoothed out. It’d become as easy to learn new things as it was to forget old things. He hated that he couldn’t keep it all, but it was better if he didn’t.

The roaring of the engine returned, and Lupin let his arm rest on the side of the door. “Zenigata.”

“Yeah, he’s always there to stop me.”

“No, I mean, Zenigata is the issue with you.”

Pink raised an eyebrow.

“I’d stop before I ever pushed him to the point you have.”

“So what? He’s always been crazy.” Pink glared at the sideview mirror.

“Not like that and you know it. I like what you’ve done here, and I want it, but he’s just as important to me as my partners. I don’t want to prosper at the expense of him falling short.”

“Isn’t that the whole point of our dynamic?”

Lupin slipped the shades into his pocket. “You know what I mean.”

“Then, here’s your stop.”

The car pulled in front of a tall building. Tall was putting it lightly. It was damn skyscraper of a building, but there was a singular window on each floor and a revolving door leading in. When he turned around the car was gone, and the city had changed.

* * *

The buildings were a modge podge of styles and cultures filled with a mixed variety of people selling, walking, and busying themselves. It was a headache in motion, and Lupin was not in the mood for discoveries. He just wanted to find out why he was here. Taking a breath, Lupin went into the skyscraper and all he saw was red. It was an assault on the eyes. How long had he worn the red jacket? There were dozens of him in the lobby alone. The boisterous conversation he heard upon entering whittled to whispers as he made his way towards the elevator.

He pressed the button to go up. If he was in here to talk to another him, they’d have to be on the top floor. The doors opened with a ding, and there he was inside with a red jacket.

“Took you long enough.”

He was pulled in by the collar of his shirt and the doors closed with another ding.

Lupin shook Red off, “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“Apology accepted.”

They began their ascent to the top floor, with Red whistling a tune and Lupin watching the numbers for each floor light up.

“Aren’t you going to ask me for a critique?”

“Oh, no need. I already know I’m the best.”

Lupin snorted.

“I’ll admit my continuity is all over the place, but I’m the fan favorite considering how many there is of me.”

“Fan favorite doesn’t mean good.” Lupin realized now he couldn’t see the last number for the top floor.

“No, but that’s what keeps the money rolling in.”

“So you don’t want me to offer judgement or some bullshit?”

Red lit a cigarette and placed it between his lips. “We’re all our own worst critic. I already know where my pitfalls are.”

“Meaning you know you specifically rely too much on our partners to get anything done.” The numbers had changed to the faces of said partners lighting up in a pattern with each floor passed by.

“Too much independence and they can’t get their own spotlight. You’ve seen that with Blue.”

“You’re overbearing about it.”

“That’s love.”

Lupin shook his head. “No, that’s obsession. Not to mention how you overstep boundaries.”

“And you don’t?”

“I’d rather listen to the first no when it comes to touch.”

“Ouch. I don’t get that bad.” Red blew off a few rings of smoke.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not bad at all.”

The lights changed reading the words “TOP FLOOR” and the doors opened.

“This is your stop,” said Red. “Which version of yourself will you see next? The answer may surprise you.”

Lupin smiled at that. It was the first time he smiled since he got in this weird place. “If there is one thing I’ll take from you, it’s definitely your moxie.”

“Hell yeah.”

The doors shut leaving him in darkness for a brief moment. Then the whole room shifted. There was a large stack of money, cushy armchairs, and the mist of tobacco stood thick in the air. His fingers itched for a cigarette. Green had to be in here. Then this charade would be over, and he could wake up from this self-induced coma.

“Take this,” A glass of scotch was passed to him.

Lupin took it, but when he saw himself there was no jacket and he faltered for a moment.

“What’s wrong? Not the you you wanted to see?

“You’re new.”

“Kinda. I went through a couple jackets before deciding this was the best fit.”

Lupin shook his head. “Well that’s inconvenient. I’ve been labeling you all by color. One of us is going to have to change.”

“You can just call me black.”

“Absolutely not.” Lupin took a sip from his glass. “I’ll call you cool. I remember you, us, being really damn cool.”

“Want to try me out again?”

“Not quite yet…I like casual intimacy, and you don’t have that at all.”

Cool leaned back in his seat. “That’s not very Japanese of you.”

“I’m French too.” Where the hell was green jacket? The memories he was getting from this guy weren’t the most pleasant, and he understood being selfish, but Cool took it to levels he’d rather not come to terms with.

“I’m consistent.”

“You’re a menace.”

Cool paused at the statement. There was finality in it that cleared some of the smoke in the room.

“You don’t care about anyone else but yourself. I’m not the type to play hero when it strays too far from my own interests, but I’m eager to capitalize on opportunities instead of lounging in money all day.” Lupin finished the rest of his drink and set the empty glass on the stack of cash. “Out of everyone else, even with your bravado, you’re the most likely to get the people I care about killed, and I don’t want that.”

“You told bellboy that he was too dependent on his partners. Are you sure you weren’t talking about yourself?”

Lupin scratched the back of his neck. “That’s a dumb question. I’ve been talking to myself since I got here. Now how do I get to green?”

“Take the stairs.”

A shiver ran down his spine. “What happened to the elevator?”

“Anyone who wants to see him has to take the stairs.”

* * *

A door creaked open on the opposite wall revealing a black and white stairwell. He had no idea how high up he was and he was going to have to go down a hundred or so flights of stairs? This place sucked. The closer he got to the entrance the colder the air grew. The hair on his arms stood on end and goosebumps blossomed along his skin.

What was strange about the steps wasn’t their functionality, but their design. It was as if someone drew them on white paper and cut them out along the lines. The shading was off. The lighting was overpowering. Bugs started to crawl out between the cracks from beetles to centipedes to scorpions, and Lupin began to get images in his mind he could never bury deep enough. Flight after flight he went down greeted by the corpse of a man on one, and the struggling form of a woman on the other. Something told Lupin not to touch them, so he didn’t. The number of bugs increased as did the amount of hair clumps, teeth, and broken finger nails. Strewn about porno magazines were filtered with cigarette butts, and the deeper he went the blacker the air turned, and the brighter the stairs became.

He didn’t want to be here. Whoever was here, whatever version of himself resided in this place must’ve been something the universe was eager to change considering all the other versions he’d met. He continued down one flight to see a dress that’d been torn with a knife. The next he was met with an empty sword sheath. The next was littered with magnum shells. He tried not to think of the implications, but more and more memories cluttered and visceral launched an assault on his vision.

“You’re way too compassionate.”

Lupin saw himself standing at the bottom of the stairs.

White jacket.

He wanted to say something to dissuade that, but the words died in his throat. This version of him. This guy was something else entirely. They shared the same face, and the same tricks, but Lupin didn’t have the violence behind it.

“Partners this, partners that. You shouldn’t need them that badly. If you can’t act on your own when you want then you don’t have any freedom. You’re just a pawn like the rest.” White pulled out his walther and gave it a twirl.

“Don’t act like you don’t care about them.” The words clawed at his throat like a virus. It was a struggle to string one word together no less several. The air in here wasn’t stifling, it was actively inhibiting him from moving forward. His palm stayed glued to the railing, and his feet wouldn’t budge.

“Only when they’re useful to me.”

“Why have them around for so long at all?” Lupin found his grip returning to his fingers the more he spoke. “Why not do everything by yourself?”

“What did you keep saying to those other fakes? It’s love.”

He wanted to throw up. The kind of twisted love White spoke of that clouded his mind made him sick. Degradation. Manipulation. Abuse. Assault.

“And what’s wrong with all of that?”

Lupin’s heart thudded in his chest when he realized he was no longer at the top of the stairs. White stood next to him, the barrel of his gun twisted into the fabric of his shirt. Did White hear what he was thinking?

“I can hear what everyone is thinking. I was the first. Why else would it be so damn messy here?”

“Move.”

“Not yet. Do you even know how you got here?”

That’s what he came down here to find out. Why was he here? Why were there so many versions of him? Why did he know all of them like he knew himself? Why didn’t he remember anything about himself? Where were his memories?

“Look behind you. Get a real close look at those stairs.”

With some relief, Lupin found he could move his body again. The colors on the stairs were inverted. Black with white shading, and each step bore his name like a gravestone marker.

“Good thinking. Those are gravestones. Every unfinished version, denied version, hell even the ones that never left the planning room are buried here. You can’t get anywhere if you’re not willing to step forward and move on from past your mistakes.”

The click of the a bullet being loaded broke the silence.

“Are you willing to do that, Lupin the Third?”

Lupin wondered if he could. There was so much information to take in, and he was only allowed so much to keep. Blue, Pink, Red, Cool, and now White. Steeling himself he said, “If you don’t think I am go ahead and shoot.”

His finger itched as he felt the trigger start to pull.

“But there’s a trick to that gun. I’m not sure if you want to.”

There was no gunshot, but there was a small bout of laughter from behind him as the staircase warped away.

Thunderous clapping came from the side, and Lupin saw himself. The version of himself he wanted to see. Green jacket.

“Wonderful! Wonderful! Simply amazing!” Green had on glasses and clapped with the largest smile on his face. “Congratulations for getting this far!”

“Tell me what is going on.”

“Not yet.” Green stood from the tree stump and jogged over to grab Lupin’s arm. “Come with me.”

He said that like Lupin had a choice. The murky air formed into the image of a very nice home, and with the image came the memories from Green. He was a hero. He was a bastard. He was kind. He was selfish. He was respectful. He tested boundaries too much. All the other Lupins pick and chose what aspects of Green to focus on more, and whether the result was pleasant or not remained irrelevant as it worked with the purpose of the event. Unlike White, Green was a digestible and outright lovable version that had snuck into every Lupin and stayed there like a necessary organ.

“You like me, I can tell. Everyone does,” Green ushered Lupin to the garage where a plethora of cars rested.

“From first glance, you’re perfect.”

“I’m sensing a _but_ there.”

“Commitment.”

“Really? That’s what trips me up? I’d like to think I’m very committed.”

Lupin shoved his hands into his pockets. “You know they want more from you, and you string them along. You do all right with the short term, but as soon as long term ideas and responsibilities come along you turn the other way.”

“It’s safer. Better to tease than give them the full product and disappoint.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know we were the type to play it safe. Guess I should look into a new career.”

“What? You want me to get married or something crazy like that? We’ve seen how that works out.”

Lupin shrugged and pulled out the sunglasses Pink gave him. “I just think there could be more than what we’re getting. Whatever it is, I want it.”

“And if they don’t let you have it?”

“I’ll steal it.”

Green eyed the shades, then nodded before going to one of the cabinets. He took an album from the shelf and propped it open on the front of his mercedez. “Before you go, you gotta pick a ride.”

“I really like yellow huh.” There were pictures of all sorts of cars, and Lupin flipped through the pages perhaps understanding why he was here.

Green clicked his tongue, “Makes the jacket color pop.”

“Hmm…this one.”

“Ugh. All you new ones pick this ugly little thing. Fine. Take it.”

When Lupin slipped the polaroid out of its plastic it vanished. Hm. That was something. He was led out of the garage the next moment, and Green took off his jacket holding it out to Lupin when they approached the front door.

“Last chance. There isn’t a version of me people don’t like.”

“No, I think I’ll try to do you one better.”

“Tch. That’s what they all say.”

Green gave him a hard shove on the shoulder, but his foot met air as he found himself falling back through the void with a yell. His own laughter rang back at him from above growing more and more distant the further he dropped. He needed to wake up. Where ever he was. Whoever or which ever version of himself he was needed to wake up. All he had to do was get back to his office. All he had to do was-

* * *

“LUPIN.”

  
Lupin snapped awake and immediately regretted it. His back hurt, and he could taste the plaque build up on his teeth. His surroundings clicked into place one by one. He’d been hunched over his desk working on some kind of tool, oh, his spy glasses. They looked like regular glasses, but the glass darkened when the sun got too bright and the hidden camera was embedded into the frames.

Jigen stood by him, one hand on Lupin’s shoulder and the other by his pencil case. “Lupin? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, how long was I out?”

“Like thirty minutes. Fujiko and Goemon are waiting.”

Weird. His dream made him feel like he’d been gone for a couple days. His dream…which he did not remember anything from. Shit. He never dreamed, so he hoped it wasn’t anything important.

“For…?”

“Your plan. For the emerald.”

The emerald? Oh right. They were going to steal some recently discovered emerald a prince decided to put on the collar of his dog. It was worth 100, no 130 million. What kind of asshole puts that kind of jewelry on a pet? He picked up his glasses and saw they were finished. The camera and hacking equipment had been fully integrated, and the glass was bulletproof. He just needed to explain the plan to his partners and they could get going.

“Right! Right.” Lupin plopped the glasses onto his head and went over to his closet. “You look good.”

Jigen messed with the lapel of his dark jacket. “I don’t know. Charcoal with the red? Might’ve gotten too bold.”

“No, I like it.” Lupin slipped into his own jacket. The fit was perfect. The color really brought out his eyes if he said so himself. All of this. Everything from the motion, to listening to Jigen speak seemed like he’d done it a thousand times. Like slipping into an old shoe. It was comfortable, but… “Hey.”

“Hm?”

Lupin pressed the briefest of kisses against Jigen’s chapped lips. A test, maybe for something unknown. Maybe for something he’s come to the cusp of having, but never getting to receive it.

Jigen smiled, “What was that for?”

“I felt like it.” He adjusted the sleeves so his button down didn’t wrinkle. “How do I look?”

“Purple’s a good color on you.”

“Thanks.”

**Author's Note:**

> boy do i love an existential crisis
> 
> HAHAHAHA
> 
> HHAHAHAHAHAHHA
> 
> HA  
> anyways tms hire me to write part 6 purple jacket lupin an-


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